How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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