I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
