last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
