My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
