If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
