Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
