it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
