I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My bed smells like the plague
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
