i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
that is very illegal...i love you.
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