Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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