How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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