alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
