i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
