I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
