Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
