just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
