I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
