whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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