he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
