i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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