I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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