I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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