dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
