it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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