they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
