if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
