the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
