a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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