That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
