I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
