No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
