2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
