my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
