one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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