Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
