i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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