i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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