Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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