can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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