dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
