i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
