Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
