Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
