sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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