I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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