have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
