Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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