i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
