I wish I could teleport
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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