This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
